ddgg_marge

i have been meaning to write here again for quite some time now, but events for the past months have been catching up & even overtaking me that now, i don’t even know how to begin.  but then again, if i don’t start now & backtrack, i will really never get it done.

this early, as it is only march after all, i am already claiming that 2008 is my year.  all will be mine: for me, for jun, for our family.  it blows my mind that a lot of good things has been coming my way, what with becoming engaged, preparing for the wedding, getting married, graduating, taking the bar & being an expectant parent as well as a lawyer-to-be, that i cannot but be gratefully overwhelmed that this is all truly meant for me.  nobody can receive this much & not lose one’s head.  crazy!

most times, i wonder what i have done to deserve this much.  we learned in CL class that if you have one too many jackets in your closet, you are actually depriving someone out there of a jacket.  what if i am receiving too much that i am depriving another person of their happiness?  but then again, i realize that God does not work that way.  He just  gives & gives, without considering that its too little or too much, just that we thank Him for all that we receive.  besides, if i think that i am not worthy of all these gifts right now, then i can still work on it.  it is not a touch-move on the Lord’s part that He will take it away if i make one mistake.  i can still try to be worthy, i will be worthy (this is an affirmation on my part) & that is what is important.

it’s our first year anniversary today.  who would’ve thought that this time last year jun & i would become a couple?  definitely not me, but then again, God has a funny way of giving us something special when we least expect it. 

(calvin to hobbes) "know what’s weird?  day by day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything is different..you just go about your business & one day you realize you’re not the same person you used to be.  people change whether they decide to or not!"

my sentiments exactly.  every morning when i get up, i know that i haven’t changed, i’m still the same me who went to bed last night, no more, no less.  but that is not really the case.  everything that has happened to me that day affects the me tomorrow.  all the day-to-day frustrations, lessons & experiences, no matter how small, are not insignificant.  the small dot of spaghetti sauce that i got on my shirt yesterday will permanently affect the way that i eat spaghetti.  syempre i’ll be more careful next time, maybe put the plate a little further away from me, not twirl it too much around my fork, not put too much sauce.  the way i screwed up yesterday will have an effect on how i deal with the same situation in the future.  the way that i was complimented on a job well done yesterday will forever leave a mark.  & that is all good, because what is life if one does not continually learn from it?  so when i say that i am still the same me, well, not exactly.  maybe the same but better.

my mama is so funny sometimes.  just the other day, pinapagalitan nya for not telling her right away that i was having an asthma attack.  despite the fact that i was laboring to breathe a minimum amount of air into my lungs, i couldn’t help but laugh when she said, "sasakalin kaya kita, hindi ka nagsasabing hinihika."  e hindi na nga ako makahinga e.  pambihira. 

and then there was this time when i stayed up all night writing a paper.  nagagalit sya pag nagpupuyat kami, so when she catches us still awake at around 2 or 3 a.m., she makes us go to bed or else suffer the consequences.  anyway, naabutan nya kong gising pa rin ng alas-tres ng umaga kaya pinagalitan ako.  but when i told her it was for school, she just said, "sige, tapusin mo na yan, wag ka magpuyat ha."  e di ba puyat na nga ako?  naman.

i’ve said it before & i’ll said it again, i love my mama, but her logic is so flawed sometimes.  but then again, who am i to complain?  i’m also like that most of the time.  i’m illogical, irrational & emotional.  maarte, padalos-dalos, hindi nag-iisip.  furthermore, if she’s truly perfect, how can she accept a flawed daughter such as me?  good thing God made her the way she is. 

happy mothers day, mama.  i love you.

isa akong ninja kid.  full of bravado & corny comebacks, perpetually hungry, believes that my mom can get me out of anything,  i believe that life is as simple as falling into a hidden cave where an old man gives you the ability to fight the bad guys, who incidentally wear black, all you because you have a pure heart.  all good things shall come to you because you’re good; no martial arts background required. 

with regard to people, relationships & new endeavors, sometimes i wish that i am shallow & superficial so that i wouldn’t go about analyzing stuff, looking for deeper meanings, trying to see what’s beyond. maybe things would be so much simpler by only looking at the surface, accepting everything at face value. no expectations, no disappointments, no hurt. fortunately (or is it unfortunately?), i’m not. i like asking questions, probing deeper, getting into the nitty-gritty. it is more complicated that way, but at least one gets into the bottom of things & find out if some things are worth it.

lately i’ve been feeling that a whole day is not enough for me to accomplish everything that i need to do (take note: "need" to do, doesn’t even include all the things i "want" to do).  how can one expect to study & write notes for a class, accomplish stuff at the barops, exercise, drive to & back to school, eat & sleep with a measly 24 hours?  what about hanging out with friends, run errands, go shopping, watch a movie, see my cousins, when do i get to do that?  time, time, where can i find a lot of it?  (hmmm, i sound like the white rabbit in alice in wonderland…)

i pity those who do not have a good relationship with their mothers as they are missing a big chunk of their lives.  i enjoy telling my mama anecdotes about my friends, grocery-shopping with her, running errands together.  don’t get me wrong, i’m no wishy-washy mama’s girl.  [wait, is there such a thing?  i couldn't qualify as a daddy's girl since my papa works abroad to allow me to have what me & my mama enjoy.  & i don't think i qualify under the category mama's boy.  but come to think of it...nah.  hahaha.]  it’s just that i am appreciating her while i still have a lot of time & not maybe regretting it when that far-off time when we couldn’t arrive.  i mean, its all there for one to enjoy & i think parents will appreciate it more that their kids trust them enough to be themselves with them & have normal conversations & just plain hang out together.  its the little effort that one takes that is greatly appreciated by our parents.  the mere fact that we tell them about our friends greatly eases their minds, for they know that we are not hanging out with serial killers.  & telling them the truth as to wherewe’ll really be going & getting home early is like a treat for them.  i mean, just these little gestures mean a lot to them & takes a great load off their minds.  i’m just happy that i can make my mom a lot happy by being a grown-up to her but still remaining her girl.